Man I was in a FUNK!

Swine Flu
Isn’t it ironic that the swine flu is transmitted through an animal that Muslims don’t eat. I say ironic because some have suggested that swine flu affecting us is a result of some type of Bio-Terror. I don’t think this is the case. I think we are just using too much fucking hand sanitizer creating super germs that now kick our asses with ease. However, if terrorists did want to make us sick, what better way to sneak the virus into the country then to infect hundreds of MEXICANS with it! So today I am simply filling a Super Soaker 3000 with Hand sanitizer and I am doing drivebys on 1987 Toyota Pickup trucks full of Mexicans in an effort to stop the spread of the “steenking swine flu”.

On the other hand, what a kick in the financial dick of the pork industry. Pig packaging facilities are a MAJOR employer of North Carolina. The people at Smithfield must have their PR people working 70+ hours trying to figure out how to convince people to keep buying bacon and ham regardless of the news that the virus is not directly known to be able to be contracted through eating the meat of pigs.

On the topics of eating pigs. Why don’t we just answer the question ‘What are we having for dinner?’ with “Pig”. Most often we have to candy coat it and call it Ham or Pork or Bacon. Can’t call it anything that might make you think of it when it was alive. Same with cows. Nobody eats cow…. But many many red blooded Americans devour more then their share of Beef, Veal and Burgers on a daily basis. Fucking pussies, just call it what it is. You are a blood thirsty carnivore if you eat meat, so stop being such a pussy about it!


Matt Ward Written by:

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